Work, Deadlines & Marriage

(written Thursday afternoon) Okay – here’s an annoying thing:

There’s a new guy in the office, a single guy from Maryland who was a friend of a friend and got a hot job with our company. He’s probably being paid half again more than I am… And he’s five years younger than I am.

Why is he being paid more than me?
- because he’s not a mommy, he can be a road warrior and travel to client sites...
- and because he's male, he'll be more respected in Dubai (his primary client).

So, I need to provide for a family of four with less money than this single 20-something is getting for himself… because I am a mother. Does this seem strange to anyone else?

If I had a penis, this wouldn’t be an issue – they’d have offered me the job and I would have taken it. I’d have gotten a promotion and had more money for my wife to use for the babysitter. Maybe I should get a sex exchange in order to get more money… I’d have to take out a loan for the operation, but it’d be worth it. We live in Massachusetts, so it wouldn’t be a problem to remain married raise a family.

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(written Friday morning) Hmmm... as the above would indicate, I was already having a rough day when I called Q at 5:30 from the office. I was heading our the door when I realized I didn't have my cell phone on me, so went back in and called from inside. We were going to make plans for the evening. He'd been calling my cell phone since 3:00. Right before a writing deadline he's decided I need to get the kids out of his hair awhile. Then, we did nothing but argue from that point forward. It's still ugly. (I did take the kids out for the evening, but I'm annoyed about it.)

See, he and I both have these secret little buried mis-trusts for each other:

• Q believes that I could be making more money and be further in my career, or already have opened that 10,000 Villages / WiFi Coffeehouse I've wanted to... If only I'd applied myself &/or taken some risks. I - on the other hand - believe that the risks were too great and that opportunities have not been sufficient - any actions I'd have made to further my career would have significantly delayed his, and his career is the better opportunity for our family.
• Meanwhile, I believe that Q could be making more money and be further in HIS career, or at least have presented & published more than he has... If only he'd been more disciplined and proactive. He - on the other hand - believes that he's right on track for the work that he's doing and that in his career it just takes a long time to get anywhere.
  

Well - this lack of trust in one another tends to blow up at times. Yesterday was one of those times. He's got a deadline... first writing deadline he's had in many moons... and he's not going to make it. I've just been trying to stay out of the way - but maybe I need to help him more. Unfortunately, I tend to resent having to help him. Who helps me with my job? No one. (heck, I've even had my deadlines shortened lately... and I've still delivered.)

Speaking of which, I've been having a crappy week with one of my co-workers. I have so much stuff given to me at the office, I have to be very careful about how I 'help' co-workers, or I'll miss my own deadlines. We have a number of Project Managers who find competent people to do their work for them... but when you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. Two weeks later, your real boss wants to know when you stopped doing your job and who transferred you over to the weasel's department. So, out of personal survival, I've stopped responding to 'suggestions for assistance' and started saying - go through my supervisor if you need me & put it on my calendar. CYA baby.

Methinks this has not been helpful for our marriage. I'm so overwhelmed by life that I tell Q -- "if you want me to help, you have to tell me. Pick a date you need me to take the kids away so you can write. Put it on the Calendar. Otherwise... I'm going to assume that you're fine on your own with the time you have." So much for teamwork. I'm using the CYA principle in my marriage. And there you have it - Q's a Jerk who doesn't plan ahead and I'm a Bitch who doesn't offer to help. Oh well.

It's been 10 years - some days are better than others.