Home Alone

Today, Q n' the Boys headed over the mountains and through the woods, to Grandmother's time-share the go. For better or for worse, the Boys have no school this week, but Q has two conferences to attend. So, my Mom is providing a week of vacationing. I'm taking off Thurs & Fri to join the frivolity, but until then - while Q is attending the Emergent Conference in Philly - I'm Home Alone.

It's interesting being home alone. I must confess that the first thing I did was sleep. (Wow! A NAP!) Then I cleaned the apartment, pulling three bags of trash to the dumpster. (Where does it all come from?) Then, I checked my email and somehow managed to prowl around on the computer doing nothing productive for two hours. (sigh) But, the washer & dryer have been running all day, so I guess that redeems the afternoon.

Two or three times a year I have this experience. Solitude. I am the only person in this apartment. Do I catch up on odd jobs? Do I indulge in hobbies? Do I consider the futility of my life and absolute abyss in which I seem to swim?

Well... I've done the first two today, let's try that third one:

When pondering my adventures, I feel like the little engine that might. I simultaneously feel like a) everything I've been doing has been a complete waste of time, and b)that the sheer mileage I have crossed in these first few chapters of my adulthood already depict volumes more than some folks will ever have. But toward what end? Once, I felt that if only I could help change the world for one person, than my existence will have been justified... Perhaps I just need to cleave to the hope of "It's a Wonderful Life": One may never know the good that one has been able to do for others, so chill out and enjoy your little existence.

Then there's that whole faith thing. I find that at various intervals during solitude, I'll stop, look up, and start yelling at God. Today I was confessing my anxieties about moving. I hate moving. Every move feels like a different life - where I leave unfinished crap behind and jump into new unknown crap ahead. I'm a homebody. I'd like nothing more than to live in the same place for 30 years... but instead I'm a rolling stone that's gathering no moss. Yeesh. Damn you Jimmy Stewart! YOU try 9 zip codes in 10 years!!!

Ahem... Er... Maybe I'll just watch a movie tonight and finish knitting a scarf.