Today's Churchiness: More Baptist Women

I had recently written about feeling put off by the ladies at church. Afterward, I wondered if I had been unfair and judgmental. Then, today, once again, I felt like CRAP after church.
(Don't worry. This one wasn't nearly as bad as being verbally insulted immediately after communion in front of the entire congregation... like last week. But, it still was kinda stinky.)

I have tried to get to know the other adult women in our church. Being a transplant into the community from out of the area, working full time, and living in an apartment in the poor part of the area... I really had hoped to make some friends at church these past six years. I never did. Only two people ever called me and asked me if I wanted to hang out. Both of them have left the church and neither of them have called me since they left. Maybe I was just a 'charity case.'

Now, since the congregation's implosion this past year, only six women (including myself) attend church regularly. One is the pastor's wife. I expect the Pope to saint her upon her passing from this world as she has put up with so much shit for the sake of Christ. Another is an older woman who takes being a Deacon to heart. She lives to serve others and has a faith as solid as a rock. Then, there is the quite introverted church accountant. (Actually, we did go out to lunch once... but I couldn't pull her story out of her. She's just a very quite/personal woman.) There's me. I sing every week. I hate singing every week, but there's no one else who will, so I do. (I could write a series about that... wait... I AM writing about Wonderful Worship right now. Nevermind.)

THEN -- there's... *dramatic pause*... the Sunday School Teachers. *gasp* These two women are wonderful Christians. They diligently study, plan, prepare, and lead Sunday School 9 months of the year. They plan and coordinate the Junior Church sessions so that the kids don't have to squirm during (or, bother to attend) the church service. They also are the volunteers who come in during the week to print the bulletin onto those lovely pre-fab bulletin pages the church buys (for the five families that attend.) They are stay-at-home moms, and because they 'work' on Sundays, they usually have a bible study together during the week so that they can be fed (gossip?). I tried to attend the bible study for awhile.... but it didn't work out. My working mom life wouldn't let me do... yet... another... thing. They promptly moved the study back to weekdays immediately after I dropped out. (They didn't want to have it in the evenings, anyway.)

Well, I must have failed a sniff test when I met these women. Or, maybe it's just a personality thing. I honestly don't know which. But often... very often... weekly, I'd say... they ignore me. They give me that evil cold shoulder that non-verbally says 'You Do Not Exist To Me.'

Seriously. It's Evil. During 'social time' after church, they'll be talking -- with each other or with others, it matters not -- and they won't look at me. I am a ghost. I do not exist. I can come right up to them as they discuss kids/cooking/church, stand five inches from them, smile, pause and make polite comment or contribution... and they stiffen as though some one just farted. They don't look my way, they don't respond. If someone else is near, the other person looks awkward and might make a strained excuse to leave the room.

Down in Amish Land, we call this Shunning. It is non-violent corporal punishment.
Act like the person is dead.
It works. It makes you feel like you're dead already.

For the past six years, people have shunned me publicly. I have tolerated non-verbal shaming. And, people seem to wonder why I feel that this place is sick/sinful/doomed?

But, soon... and none too soon for any of us... I am leaving. They will have their way. And I, the working woman who sings in church, will be moving three hundred miles away... probably to never return. Why would I want to?


DISCLAIMER - to be perfectly fair, they might just be introverts who don't like interruption. Or maybe they're completely freaked out by the fact that I exist. The fact that I can be poor but educated, that I'm a Christian woman who works, and that I stand in the front of the sanctuary each week... might just totally blow their theological paradigms out of the water. Therefore, their behavior might be a coping mechanism. Also, I have actually had a few pleasant one-on-one conversations with one of these women. I don't find them evil... I just find their behaviour... painful.